WARNING: This post is overflowing with popular culture references. Proceed with caution. And hey, let's be careful out there.
The title does in fact date me. As a child of the 70s and someone who was raised in part on the popular culture of the 80s, I find myself going to these references to help make sense of the frustration, rage, and overall disturbance I've been feeling in the force concerning the candidacy of Senator Barack Obama.
The thing is, for some reason(s) I've missed joining "the movement." It may have been because his campaign (I'm not going to give just him all the credit for what has happened) tried to package his campaign as a movement. If you think that it is, you may as well save your time and click somewhere else.
Don't get me wrong. I too was mesmerized by that convention speech in 2004. In fact, at 5:13pm on Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004, as a way to grieve over the election results I opened up Word on my Mac and made three campaign buttons (seriously, I have the file creation date to prove it):
My, how things have changed. Plus, I tend to be wrong about these predictions (in my world, the Junior U.S. Senator from Pennsylvania would be Chuck Pennacchio and not that tool of an anti-choice "Democrat" Bob Casey).
But there's some thing(s) about Candidate Obama that just rubs me the wrong way. And I've been trying for months to figure out what exactly that is. When you spend too much time perusing the blogs (or even starting your own) you (1) end up finding comfort in realizing that there are people out there who share your views and your frustrations, (2) realize that the ongoing misogyny in general (and for a particular presidential candidate) is more obscene that you could imagine, and (3) it often makes life in the real (non-blog) world more challenging--i.e. you find yourself feeling even more bat-shit crazy than usual, especially when you witness more folks still in "the movement" than you should rationally expect.
To be fair, it's hard to care about what some snobby, condescending, egomaniacal politician said to a room full of privilege in some shhhhhwanky mansion in San Fran, when you can't pay your rent, you're trying to find the nearest county that actually provides abortions, or you're trying to decide between paying a utility bill and an overpriced medication that will literally keep you alive.
So, in my attempts to wrap my head around trying to figure out this politician who came ostensibly out of nowhere, and who is now closer to the White House than I am currently comfortable, the best I can come up with is this:
I've seen this guy before.
He's not the bully per se. He's the guy that the bullies look up to, need, and/or have a secret crush on. He's the guy who has the bullies wrapped around his finger; he's behind the bullying but you'll never find his fingerprints anywhere on/near the victim(s).
He's the new guy at school--the one who shows up in the middle of the year and becomes the talk of the town in part because everyone wants to know what his story is, but no one really knows--there's just lots of fantastic rumors.
Barack Obama isn't really a complicated man. He's just a composite of the charismatic yet despicable and flawed characters to grace the screens of not-too-recent TV and movies. He is...
5% Mr. Horton
Diff'rent Strokes
(yes, the bicycle shop pedophile guy)
[I'm NOT saying Senator Obama is a pedophile. I AM saying he is a charismatic predator and exploiter of the young, naïve, and easily swayed.]
+
5% Hilary Faye
Saved
[Over-exaggerated emphasis on, and self-serving abuse of, religion.]
+
10% Heather Chandler
Heathers
[Insecure bitch who thrives on being the center of attention AND head of the clique.]
+
10% Regina George
Mean Girls
[Narcissistic and shallow Queen Bee who derives pleasure from hurting others; would do anything to keep her throne and allegedly high-status position.]
+
10% Rip
[Deceptively charismatic slimeball who would exploit defenseless and/or addictive personalities, even if it kills them--figuratively or literally.]
+
20% Chas Osbourne
Back to School
[Self-absorbed, entitled, and overly cocky leader-of-the-pack who, when it comes down to the wire, would rather claim to be seriously injured than actually compete on his own alleged talent.]
+
40% Hardy Jenns
Some Kind of Wonderful
[Basically just a dick. He's lived his life blind to his own male and class privilege. He obsessively devises an elaborate plan to further exploit, embarrass, and destroy a woman he used to care about. He's high and mighty until the regular folk band together and call him out on his shit, after which he becomes a scared child who hides behind the proverbial "my mom and dad will be home soon."]
What an ending... not just one slap, but TWO!
And this isn't about Obama's supporters per se. In fact, I don't think that his supporters are delusional. I think that they either see themselves in the character he is playing, or they see that which they aspire to, or they simply think he's a cool trend (e.g. Guitar Hero, Troll dolls, or parachute pants), or they rationalize that supporting and voting for him will appease their white liberal guilt ["See! I'm not racist (anymore), because I'm voting for change!"]
It's just that they think
he's Daniel "Daniel-San" Larusso,
and I think
he's Johnny "sweep the leg" Lawrence.
Johnny is not used to losing and has always had easy access to resources and status. He is the product of a patriarchal, militarized (literally AND figuratively) training, and about to lose the big match, he suffers a lapse in judgement (with pressure from above) and executes an unethical move that is sure to result in a win. Daniel survives the deadly assault, wins the match, and in the end Johnny grabs the trophy so HE can present it to Daniel: "You're alright, Larusso -- great match!"
Dare we dream for such an ending?
